When my friend B picked up the phone yesterday, I was my usual charming self and greeted him with , “I was about to totally lose my shit if you didn’t pick up the god damn phone.” Clearly, I hate hyperbole.
I’d been trying to reach him for days and though we had texted and the such in the interim, I had some very important things I needed to discuss with him. He is one of those annoying people who hates VM so I have promised to only leave him a message if I really, truly need him. (Conversely, I hate it when people don’t leave VMs so he has agreed to humor me and always leave one. See how well our friendship works?) Something along the lines of I have fallen in a well or I am thinking about cutting my hair again are acceptable reasons to send a mayday VM. My most recent spiral was not VM worthy…even I knew this. Yet, I was still anxious to hear the voice of reason; a special reasoning that can only come from someone you have known for almost 20 years. The boy has me down.
You see, I am worried about my sex drive. Thank Christ it is still there, but my appetite has been completely screwy and I have my concerns. See, the two constant things in my whole life have been food and sex…and an equal fervor for both. Now that my desire for food has been waning, I fear my libido may be next…and then the world will stop spinning on it’s axis. I started lamenting as such when I finally got B on the phone.
“I don’t really know what I want food wise and I am scared sex is next. What the hell will I do?”
“Lex…I don’t think this is really a concern with you.”
“Um, has food ever been a concern before?”
“Hm, well. Seriously though, I think you are ok.”
“Well, today I thought of the only thing I really had any desire to eat and I made it. I don’t care if it is awful for me…something must be done to save myself.”
“Ok, what?”
“Um, crepes like my Memere used to make…and I stuffed them with brown sugar and drowned them in syrup just like her. It is what I wanted. I need to save myself.”
“So healthy kid food, huh? Jesus, Lex….you’re insane.”
I love you too, B…
Crepes
Adapted slightly from Simple Comfort Food
2 large eggs
1/3 cup of water
1 cup of milk
1 cup of all purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
2 tbsp of unsalted butter, melted for coating the crepe pan
In a blender, mix all ingredients. The mix will be very smooth and super thin. Preheat crepe pan (or fry pan) over meium heat and add butter to pan. Cook on each side for about 2 minutes and flip.
For the record, I don’t think you’re actually insane.
For the record, i cannot believe you just used an emoticon.
Maybe it’s the new migraine meds?
I’ve had almost zero sex drive the past week or two. It’s weird.
It is the new migraine meds for sure.
Mmmm…crepes…. Who cares if it’s not the best food for you? Splurges (food or otherwise) are necessary evils.
Wait, not even evils. Just necessary.
I mean…syrup and brown sugar? I am ok with that.
Just because you enjoy both does not mean if one goes the other is sure to follow. Just like a dislike of one form of driving (car) doesn’t mean you dislike all forms of driving. Or as jmansu seizakawa once said
No desire to eat
Does not mean the lack of a
Wish to be eaten
Wow, a haiku about oral sex. Color me impressed.
Doctors tell you that orgasmic sex relieves migraines but migraine meds reduce your sex drive. If that’s not irony I don’t know what is. We must still be in the dark ages of medicine.
Clearly God hates me, DF.
You know what? I never leave VM’s. Never… I always figure caller ID is good enough.
That is very annoying, Matt.
LOVE Crepes! They’re surprisingly easy to make! I actually make them with whole wheat flour and it comes out just as nicely….but then I slather them with Nutella and anything healthy goes out the window.
Nutella pretty much makes everything better.
I could have almost the exact same conversation with any number of people.
And now I want crepes for breakfast.
See how easy they are…make them!
Those crepes look similar to eierkuchen, which is something I ABSOLUTELY LOVE to eat with a lil’ bit of nutella
or I’ll go salty and make a onion/mushroom filling
Yum.
I love crepes savory as well…anyway they are made, I will eat ‘em.
Crepes don’t sound too bad, until the brown sugar and syrup come in play. I tend to go with fruit.
Begs the question to be clear, crepes are thinner than pancakes correct? Because I had crepes recently that were pancakes. If I wanted pancakes, I would have ordered them.
They are super, paper thin. You got robbed.
I am with Matt, I am not a VM guy. Only if it is important. It’s the meds.
Now both you and Matt suck. This pains me.
Sex drive usually ebbs & flows depending on the stressors in life and everyone is wired different. Me I get a higher libido when I am under stress be physical or mental, which is likely why I am itching for a little somethin-somethin after a killer run. In my humble opinion you should determine rather your libido needs more or less stressors.
I hope your libido is righted to your liking very soon.
It hasn’t gone away. I can definitely think of someone I want to have sex with…I am just worried.
I have had almost the exact same conversation with at least a couple people.
And now I want a brunette for breakfast.
In other unsurprising news, jman cracks me the hell up.
MMM. Brunettes for breakfast. Sounds tasty.
Any tips on actually making the crepe? I can never seem to get it thin enough…or, if I do, it tears.
Just pour in enough batter to coat the rest of the pan and really make sure you use lots of butter to lube it up.
Mine’s “Roly Polies.” Tubes of dough filled with brown sugar and cinnamon, baked juuuuuust right. My grandfather was the only one who could make them perfectly.
Like sugar cookie dough or bread dough?
I will freak the F out if I ever successfully cook a crepe. I have consistently messed them up, every time I’ve ever attempted.
But about losing the sex drive. Hmm . . . maybe just think of it a vigorous exercise and do it anyway?
Good idea…luckily, I still have it. THANK YOU BABY JESUS.
I dated a girl for a while who absolutely hated voicemails, which I thought is the weirdest thing, like it takes some crazy effort to listen to a voicemail, it takes 15 more seconds than reading a text. You just hold a phone to your ear. I liked that she didn’t like voicemail though because despite having generally fantastic personality overall, I leave, without a doubt, the most awkward voice messages ever. It’s completely inexplicable. I sound so unnatural every time and usually stammer along for at least 45 longer than necessary.
I tend to ramble on VMs, espcially if I am close to someone. “Hey, Its Lexa. Just calling to catch up. At the grocery store…oh, that salmon looks good…”
As I get older I embrace the reduction of sex drive. It makes life so much less complicated and stressful. There are so many things you no longer have to worry about. And, as I enjoy being single, it greatly reduces the chance of getting into a relationship.
I WILL NOT EMBRACE THIS.
I LUV crepes, sweet, salty, for dessert or dinner, just luv them. And I luv you more for the recipe.
Sex drive will not go away, it can’t, that is just not possible, I refuse to believe that there is any chance that that can ever happen for good. There. I said it.
Thank god you said it. It is much appreciated.
Maybe you just need to change it up, and go strictly with 3-ways for a while.
I don’t like sharing.
So are crepes essentially the same thing as Blini? cause I got seriously hooked on blini while in Tomsk and have been dying for some. I may have to try out this recepie and see.
I can and have lived without much food or much sex at various times. I have to say if you must to lose one of your hungers – you’ve lost the right one.
Yes they are, very similar. Try it out.
someone mentioned nutella and i only just tried that for like, the first time ever, not too long ago, and i think now i want to go home this weekend and whip this puppies up with a side of that goodness.
because yum.
Maybe throw a banana in there…
Something along the lines of I have fallen in a well or I am thinking about cutting my hair again are acceptable reasons to send a mayday VM.
.
.
Thinking about cutting your hair is scarcely as dire a situation as falling into a well.
If it’s head hair, that is.
Peter
Mouth…is…watering…please marry me!
thanks for this. i friggin love crepes. pancakes are too mealy and gross and a waste of my time. but crepes are just the right amount of eggy.
I was thinking about this, by the way, and I realized that I may change my policy if/when I get visual voicemail … then I can see who left the voicemail, delete with impunity, and listen only to the ones I want to hear, without all that “please enter your password …” (five seconds) “you have …” (another five goddamned seconds) (some stupid VM from my phone company I don’t need) … etc …
So it is true. Former “obese” women, will always be big but on the inside.
Worried about your libido? Eat bananas.
Um, I am pretty sure I have said as much about a million times…in my mind, I will always be fat. This is not a groundbreaking comment. And does one dinner of crepes remind you that I used to be “obese”? I am sure you only eat whole grains, fish, and spinach, sir.
why did I find your explanation to Liebchen so sexual? “batter…lube it up…” *giggle*
By the way, when you hit mid-30′s, your sex drive will go through the roof. You’ll have the opposite problem. Start buying batteries/condoms now.
Ah, the old sex drive tanks. Yes, of course. It could be new antidepressants, too. Or any of the 350,000 single men in Washington who think one or two Bud Lites and a quick taxi grab count as full-on courtship. It’s what we call a toss-up question.
Love,
M.
As a matter of fact I do eat whole grains, fish (every now and then), and spinach (mostly with spring mix). You forgot red meat, chicken, pasta, and potatoes. I’m a guy after all. I read your “about me” ms.lemmonex so i read about your past. duhh.
Dont be so hard on yourself, (former big women) please the hell out of their man sexually.
How the FUCK does pointing out I used to be big relevant to anything here. I am honest about it. I admit it. So these comments? Nothing revolutionary.
I’m so with you on the VMs. I hate it when people call me and don’t say what they wont. I don’t like calling back unless I know what’s going on.
My policy is if you don’t leave a voicemail I won’t be returning your call. If you can’t take two seconds to leave me a message I can’t take two to return. I’m a bitch like that.
My GYN once told me to buy peppermint oil at the Pleasure Chest in G’town for libido problems. That was an interesting shopping trip. I think the store has now gone out of business. It was truly amazing what all they carried!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm crepes. i don’t see how craving them is at all unhealthy or abnormal