I’ve always tried to be as honest as I can be about myself. I’m loud, I am brash, and I am constantly over scheduled. I stretch myself too thin. I do my best to be a good friend and I know I fail at that sometimes. I have torn through some men in my 28 years: some were sport, some were time killers, some were bad news, while some special ones were amazing, smart, and loved. I can be shockingly self absorbed and at times egotistical, but I don’t think that is necessarily bad. Oh, and dramatic…that too.
I act tough and I can have downright unrealistic expectations of people at times. I love hard, play hard and laugh hard. I drink too much and I often eat too much. I struggle every day with a very tenuous truce with my body image and self perception. I am almost continually dissatisfied with the status quo. I am defensive, guarded and can be an unrepentant hardass. I love my close friends 
ferociously and feel so lucky to be surrounded by people I truly respect and admire. I really am a little white trash in my heart–I am not kidding about my love of leopard print, big hair, loads of eyeliner, and showing off my cleavage. I am ok with that; I will never go to church, wear khaki, or drive a mini-van. Inside of me lives a softie who just wants some pretty simple things in this lifetime; love, happiness, and some pretty stellar carrot cake.
I am tired, y’all.
I am literally tired. Sleep is hard to come by and cups of coffee fill my days.
I am tired of an unending job search that has left me frustrated and so, so, SO close so many times but has just come up short.
I am tired of this medicine that has left me with an off kilter appetite and all kinds of screwed up.
I am tired of all the emails and comments I receive about my diet, my body (past and present), my weight, and my appearance.
I need a break.
I am not quitting, but I am reevaluating. I may stop blogging about food. I may entirely reformat. I don’t know. I promise to come back, probably within a month. I will still continue to read all the blogs I love and hopefully I will discover some new ones to inspire me.
I love this blog. I love my life and my friends. I am continually amazed by all the awesome people I have met as a result of this little corner of the world. I just don’t want this space to be something that stresses me out, and lately it has been.
Being so honest, doing my best to accurately represent myself, no doubt has it rewards. I have connected with people in amazing ways and found some kindred spirits out on this big world wide web. I think all this introspection and self indulgence has made me a better person in a lot of ways; I am painfully flawed, but in a lot of ways I am really proud of myself and who I am.
Lately I haven’t been as proud of my writing or as happy with my recipes. The sometimes nasty comments and emails have been bothering me more. Sure, some are completely ridiculous, but god damn if some don’t hurt me. My body doesn’t belong to anyone but me and I will never get why anyone feels otherwise. I am not letting myself be silenced by a select group of assholes, but I don’t quite feel like dealing with it right now.
So, yes, a break. I will keep on being me, all of me. Soon, I will be back to share it all. I am tired and I think I deserve some rest. I hope you will be here when I come back.
Postscript: I really am ok. I didn’t mean this to seem “cry for helpy”. I am actually pretty fucking awesome, I just need a break and was trying to explain where my heads at…thanks for all your concerns though.
As long as I still get you IRL, mamakins. Everyone else, sucks to be you!
I will have more time to be all up in your grill.
Sorry to hear that you’re down right now – you will be missed (believe it).
If I could send carrot cake through the internet I would……
Thanks, jazzyjeff. I am not super depressed or anything–I don’t want to give that impression. I just need to take a step back.
Taking a break when necessary is always better than burning out completely. I hope that you come back feeling healthy and refreshed.
I hope I will too.
Recharge sweet lemmie
Your absence is a vacuum
Which nature abhors
Feel better and keep kicking ass!
Oh, I will…don’t you worry.
hope you return soon, recharged and feeling good!
Won’t be too terribly long.
It’s important to give yourself a break once in a while. When a hobby has turned into a chore, it’s time to cut yourself some slack.
Agreed and I always want to be happy with what I am writing.
I’ll miss you! I just started reading your blog, but I love it. Come back soon.
Thanks. I will be back.
I think you are very smart to recharge.
I love reading what you write and have really enjoyed the recipes that I’ve tried (I had never even heard of anchovy paste, but that topinade was FABULOUS!) You are a reminder to me that I should share my compliments and appreciative comments more often to counter those unpleasant ones that come along as well.
Take care of you and we’ll be anxiously awaiting your return!
Thanks for saying hi, BigSis. I will be back.
you take all the time you need honey.
and know that i totally get it. why do you think ive been averaging like, one post per week?
summertime is the perfect time for a break, says me.
Summertime and the living is easy, baby.
Get some R&R. I’ll be here when you get back, in whatever format.
Thanks, that is reassuring.
It’s important to take a break every once in awhile. That’s what vacations are for from work, which I desparately need one of.
On a positive note, this gives us a chance to try one of your published recipes without seeing another one come by again and think we should do that one instead.
Good point! Make some of those recipes.
We will all miss reading you but it definately sounds as if you need a break so enjoy as long away as you need.
Just need a breather. Life is good but time to step back.
Dang it. First Arjewtino, then you. I’m going to start thinking the problem is me, if someone else goes. I’ll miss you! Come back soon!
Thanks so much…I promise I am not pulling an Arjewtino.
Go take care of yourself… you need it, you deserve it, you owe it to yourself. We will miss you, but will wait. Love, hugs and kisses.
I feel ‘em…thanks.
enjoy the break my friend, but just try not to turn into arjewtino and never come back….
and to the fuckers that are leaving evil comments and or emails, if you are reading this comment of mine, i hope you get chlamydia.
xo
Oh, I hope they do too.
GMail needs an autoreply/blocking function for emails sent by bastards. That way, you wouldn’t have to deal with them at all. And it should read something like…
“Much like your parents do, and always have, I wish you’d never been born. Think of my inbox folders as the pants of someone you’re really attracted to: you’re not getting in them.”
Anyway, enjoy the break. Counting the days til you’re back.
Oh, is it like an advent calendar? How ego boosting.
I’ve taken many breaks because I just didn’t feel like writing any more. I can only imagine the level of frustration and burn-out-ness after receiving the kinds of comments you get. Go, rest, relax, return refreshed. You will be missed though.
I will miss you guys too.
Enjoy your much needed/well deserved break.
We’ll miss you.
(thank god for twitter)
xoxo
We will always have twitter.
I know the feeling.
I know you do.
Here’s to the eventual returns. Mine and yours. In the meantime, be excellent to yourself, kid.
And you do the same.
I’m pretty much on a permanent break between four and six days a week. It’s . . .a lot less taxing.
And I love the idea of an autoblocker for bastard e-mails. Even better would be like the drunk goggles g-mail has where you have to answer math questions before you send something.
The senders of bastard e-mails would have to answer a series of questions:
“Can you honestly say you’re not being a bastard in this e-mail?”
“Are you sure?”
“I mean really? You’re not being an asshole?”
“Let me put it to you this way–would you want your mother to know that you said these things? Would this e-mail make your nana proud of you?”
“Ok. Now you may send.”
It never ceases to amaze me what people will send when hiding behind the cloak of anonymity.
Blog breaks are refreshing. And sometimes necessary. Take your time and enjoy.
I think it will be refreshing and revitalizing for sure.
Have a great break, with lots of resting and recharging and non-stressing. Thank you for your writing and hope you come back soon…
Thanks for reading.
i luff you smunches. i’m just glad i get to see you soon.
Make out session…luff you more.
Office firewall has blocked my Twitter (and Facebook), so I guess that obligates you to fill me in on your goings on in person…and over drinks. Winner winner, chicken dinner!
Enjoy your break. Something tells me I’ll still stop by daily, just in case.
God, you totally work for the man.
I adore this little ole blog but it should never be a source of stress, that’s for sure. Hope you enjoy your time away and I will still be here if and when you return!
I am so glad; I don’t want you to go anywhere.
Yep. You are pretty fucking awesome.
As are your recipes, by the way, even if you’re less than ecstatic about them just now. These things move like tides, and you can’t be expected (even by you) to be Julia Child all the time. I’d very much like you to keep food blogging, though odds are I’ll hang about and make daft comments no matter what you do.
I don’t think I will ever completely stop blogging about food, but the daily element may change.
Everyone needs a blog break. But like LiLu said, as long as I can have you IRL I’m happy.
You got me, don’t you worry.
howdy! i have been secretly reading your blog for months and it is one of my go-to, everyday reads so i’ll be missing your posts. it’s one of the things that helped get me through the long, cold, depressing Norwegian winter. that said, i hope your break gives you the breather you need. enjoy the time off and i look forward to seeing your newly refreshed posts when you come back. lykke til! (good luck)
Thanks kimberly and welcome…I think it will be even better once I feel a bit refreshed.
I love your blog and the way you incorporate real life stories with recipes.
Happy break – will be watching for your return!
It should be a happy break, I think.
I’ve always been so curious as what went wrong in a person’s life that would make them send disparaging emails to strangers on the internet. I mean, the internet is a pretty big place, if you don’t like what someone writes in a blog there are literally million of others you can read instead. What does someone get out of ripping on you or anyone else instead of just not reading your blog? It’s fascinating to me really.
And to be honest, I’m still just a tiny bit jealous that I don’t get more hate mail. I’ve gotten one and it was hilarious. Of course it’s always pretty easy to see how, if it started to pile up, it would get not fun pretty quickly.
I don’t know what it is…boredom? I am curious myself.
Breaks are necessary, otherwise you get burnt out.
But, shit. I’ll miss you while you’re gone!!!
Well, shit…I will miss you too.
I’m so very proud of you.
Thank you, dear.
That all sounds very familiar. Whenever it starts feeling like a job, I take a break from blogging. That, and I’ve decided not to put myself on a daily schedule. If I have nothing good to say, I just don’t post. It’s taken a lot of the stress off and keeps it fun. And gives me time to work on other written projects. And work at a sex shop.
Looking forward to your return whenever and however it may be!
Hm, maybe I should work in a sex shop…whats the employee discount?
Enjoy the break! While I’ll miss your posts (which — side note– I think have been beautifully written lately), I completely understand needing to step back. I can’t even remember the last time I looked at my blog, let alone posted on it.
Thanks, that is really nice…hopefully I will be happy with it when I come back.
but you can’t go just when i find you and realize you’re not as big, bad and scary as I thought you were! this is all about me!!!
kidding, do what you gotta do to be happy, darling.
Hi JoLee. can we please keep up the ruse that I am big, bad, and scary? PLEASE?!
We have never commented before but we are a regular visitor and will be waiting eagerly for your return.
Don’t forget that for every bit of comment and email Hate there are 100 silent readers who really enjoy your work.
Thanks and welcome…that is a very good reminder.
Everyone needs to take a break sometimes, gotta cut out the unnecessary and make more time for yourself.
I’ll be sending some positive mojo your way. It’s mine, but you can use it. It’s not dirty, I promise. Even though that sounds dirty.
FEEL BETTER!!!!!! *HUGS*
I feel the hugs, thanks.
Take a long walk and enjoy the break, and when you feel the desire to return to this space and pick up where you left off, don’t be afraid to blow it up a bit. Try different things if you’re feeling the urge. There is liberation in destruction and besides, we’re here for the voice – not the lyrics.
You always know what to say, Hammer…thanks.
Take a break. You deserve it.
Thanks DF, hope you still stay in touch.
FIFTY PERCENT!
If you come work at the shop, you can get in on the ground floor of a new sexucational talk show one of my coworkers and I are going to host and direct (respectively) called “Mo’ Penis, Mo’ Better.” It’s sure to be a hit, which will translate into a Sue Johansson style Oxygen network summer hit. Then you won’t need another job.
I was a Women’s Studies major! I am very comfortable talking about sex…hmm….
Enjoy the summer days and the great adventures.
I will, I will…thank you.
My first response is “NOOOOO…”
I love your blog; it’s the first one I read everyday. I will miss it, but I understand. When blogging becomes a drag (actually, when anything becomes a drag), it’s best to stop for a while.
By the way, I think you are fucking awesome. This is me buying you a virtual bourbon.
K
I will be back…and this bourbon is fantastic. Thank you.
Marissa reminds me that I am, as always, on the wrong freakin’ coast. The show sounds both hilarious and fun, and I only wish I was close enough to lend a hand. Um, metaphorically. I gots skillz, but not geography.
Well, hopefully one day you can watch it.
summer is for fun away from the computer, anyway. have a great one!
go eat a cheeseburger. (make sure it’s nice and rare.) eat two. wash it down with dark beer.
there now better?
We’ll be timing you.
it constantly baffles me that you come up with so many fresh and fun story ideas. it’s no wonder you need a lil’ recharge time. and i hear you on the job search woes. yeesh. it will happen for both of us a some point. chin up gal!
if you can’t take the heat.. get out of the kitchen….open the door and windows…and then come back inside.
Simple as that.
P.S: carrot cakes are evil.
We all need a break sometime…
But seriously, what has the color khaki ever done to you? You would vomit if you saw my closet… it’s like khaki heaven.
I know where you live. And even from CA, I will still reach out to find you if needed. =-) Enjoy the break…sometimes it makes all the difference. xo
Take all the rest you need lady. And you don’t have to apologize or give excuses to anyone. This is your life and your blog after all!
I feel ya . . . gotta keep it fun. Enjoy the break, friend.
Lovey. I totally support doing whatever is good for you. Tired needs to be taken care of, and when blogging is heavy, rather than helpful, a break is a great idea. Big hugs to you.
Lem, it’s been a joy to read about your world on a regular basis, thanks for sharing. I hope the adventures will return soon. If not, your contribution was wonderful. Well done.
<3
Real fighters know when to throw in the towel, even if only for a little bit.
Take your time, come back if, when and how it's cool for you.
It takes a smart person to know when she needs to step back for a while and decide what she wants to do. I think you made a good choice. I’m sure you’ll make the decision that’s right for you.
I will miss your words, but I understand the need to take good care of you and urge you to do whatever you need to accomplish that. More bending elbows, less pressure.
i will miss your hilarious turns of phrase!
You know I feel this–a year of black hole depression, unemployment, and horrific haters have been replaced with an overload of work, a new apartment, and a new start for me…so if I can be okay again, I know you will be too. You are amazing.
Things will turn around…but until then, you work on you and make yourself happy. You deserve nothing but the best.
As a recipient from Day 1 of the “blog hate”–I feel you though. Remember when we first met and I told you some of the crap that had happened and that inevitably, once you reach a certain point–people want to hurt you–bring you down.
Sometimes its overwhelming and other times you can move on and just be okay…and other times you NEED a break.
I hope the sex drive, the appetite, and the general feeling of ease come back in the best, healthiest way.
Thinking of you and planning our next dinner and catch up session.
xoxoxoxo
Love you.
“Lately I haven’t been as proud of my writing or as happy with my recipes. ”
Why, why, why?! Pupu is having a kick at your writing! It is getting more fluid, beautiful and funnier. The tough days come and go. Don’t be so tough on yourself, girl. Rock on!
Your first 2 paragraphs are me to a tee. That’s why I like your blog. I don’t want to see you go, but since I’m also an insecure person with a bravado facade, your post proves you have balls that I lack. If you can’t do it, how can I?
I don’t know what sh*tty things have been said (rarely read comments), but I love(d) reading about someone who I’d probably be mad friends with if we met. That said, do as I say and not as I do and say “F@CK ‘EM” and keep going. You do more good than you know girl!
I’ll really miss your daily musings, but I hope you take heart in the fact that your writing helped me through a tough spot last year. While you don’t owe anybody anything, you’ve earned a break.
I’ve always thought that finding inner happiness is one of life’s great mysterys and challenges. Get that squared away, and everything else is gravy. We’ll be here if/when you come back.
Seriously? Blog hate from the get-go? Geeeeez. First of all, I cannot fathom anyone hating on either Lexa or Kassy unless the hater is simply projecting like an outdoor theater – which is, admittedly, sort of a common pastime around D.C, and not limited to political crappery. I’ve got Baloo/alpha wolf/whatever syndrome something ferocious, and idiots trying to hurt people I like makes me want to glower and growl the way a 6’4″, unshaven beast can. Maybe best I can’t get at them.
Second, I’d say that pointing and laughing at the damn fools is pretty effective, almost as effective as and more direct than continuing to live well, which is still the best revenge. As Thomas More said, “The Devil, that proud spirit, cannot endure mockery.” Works with human devils, too.
Best of luck with the break. I hope you feel better. I do hope you come back, even if the focus isn’t about food. I love your writing!
Elizabeth
understandable. i’ve taken more than one break from the blog before… but typically end up missing being a part of an online community too much, and i always come back for more. do what you gotta do
I will still check in
for my daily dose of Lem
forlorn without you
Take care!!!
I want you to know that you were inspirational to me in starting my own blog. Because of it, we have met, and I have met other genuinely great people. The “cyber social” network you associate with loves you. The blatant honesty and fault exposing nature of Culinary Couture is amazing and constantly reminds me to just let it go. I have been going back and forth about the direction of my life and blog as well and totally feel you on this issue.
You are an amazing woman and what ever direction you take your writing I will continue to tune in. Hopefully, we can go get that tattoo soon! And of course this comment would not be complete without: Will you marry me?
Was thinking of you as as I cooked a variation your last posted pasta dish this weekend. I have enjoyed the writing and recipes and decided it was time to delurk. I look forward to whatever this evolves into and glad you can step away to refresh.
I think a fair share of bloggers end up in this position. At some point, all the nastiness undermines something fundamental about our humanity. It’s sick shit.
BTW, I’ve been somewhat lazy about saving some of these recipes with that “it’s always on the internet” mentality. Could you give us a warning before they vanish entirely, if you decide to go that route? I NEED to eat some of these things.
I mean, I can start printing now, but I know I won’t make a real effort until you tell me it’s time to panic and do it immediately. Just being honest.
Lem – Oh my god, you have NO IDEA (or maybe you do) how much I get where you are coming from right now. Please, please, please don’t disappear, however. You are one of the reasons I’m climbing back up onto my feet and returning to this cybervillage after a few weeks of self-imposed hybernation. You are an amazing, beautiful woman – inside and out – and what you share, WHATEVER and HOWEVER you share it, is of so much value. I’m dramatic too, but I am definitely not overstating it when I say that your voice is necessary and it changes people’s lives. I hope you find a way to recharge. Soon.
i miss you.
While I understand that you are going through a rough spot with your life/blog, I do want to let you know that I absolutely loved the way that you described it. The writing and self description were stellar.
Taking care of yourself is a really, really important thing. I hope you come back refreshed, renewed, and all that good stuff. In the meantime, I’ll miss your writing and your recipes.
Jenna
[...] my three week break from all things Internet, I didn’t find out until this week that Lemmonex is on a hiatus as well. Sad. She came back with a post this week, but who knows when the full break [...]