I’ve mentioned B here several times. I’ve known him since we were in fifth grade; we “went out”. He was then my first real boyfriend in high school.
It’s really hard for me when I try to write about him here because I don’t think some post on a little blog can really do any justice to what he means to me. He was the first real and true love in my life, someone I desperately needed and cared about. I was a loud, awkward mess and dear God, he wanted to be with me. Me.
I have all these memories from our errant youth and constantly become annoyed with him when a story registers a blank on his radar. I do have a steel cage memory, but I think someone may have partaken in a little too much recreational behavior in college which caused our beautiful memories to be forever erased. Yet, despite my encyclopedic recollection of our younger years, I cannot remember why we broke up.
For this, I am thankful. I am sure it was immature and stupid and I don’t really need to relive that. Luckily, nothing happened when we were 17 can undo what we have now.
He can tell me I am acting like a crazy person better than anyone I know; he mocks me when I am being ridiculous and still makes me laugh as he does it. He understands when to stop and just listen and accepts sometimes, no matter what he says, I am prone to throwing myself on live grenades. He laughs at my jokes, relishes my potty mouth and eggs me on. He accepts my love for Fleetwood Mac and I never fail to remind him of all the painful hours of Phish that were forced upon my bleeding ears. He always picks up the phone when I call and in return, I answer his pleading text messages that come as he stands in the aisles of the grocery store. I unflinchingly admit every mistake, triumph and transgression in my life to him; he has seen the very good, the very bad, and the very ugly. He is kind, thoughtful, hysterical, and an absolute anchor in my life.
He also accepts that I have to say this on the internet instead of to him because I find my feelings very scary.
When we broke up in high school, I drowned my sorrow in pints of Chunky Monkey ice cream, lamenting I would never love anyone as much as I loved him. And though I have loved since him, loved differently, I have never loved anyone the same exact way I love him.
I will think of him as I eat my cone today.
That’s lovely.
If only they had Free Jack Daniels and Valium Day, so that I could remember my ex in a similar fashion. I’m waiting for that day to come…
Ha! Yes, I don’t think so fondly of all of them, but in general, I manage to have good relationships with most (though he is definitely the one I am most close to…maybe because we were just kids?) It sucks when they turn out to be dickbags, because it’s like they shit all over your memories. No one wins there.
Oh man … oh, man. What can I say? This post was so sweet (and accurate), it makes me fear for Lemmonex that she’ll lose the crucial demographic that believed she was an urban ice queen and read her for her sass only. Still, I’m glad for her that she’s showing the other sides that round her out and make her a real human being. I’m even more glad, of course, that she did so in a post about me (narcissist!) that glaringly overlooks my shortcomings as a boyfriend and sometimes even as a friend.
I’m at a loss for how exactly to respond, as I feel that nothing I could type in this little comment box could do this justice, so I’ll take the easy way out and remark that the readers of this blog probably don’t want me to compound the mushy shit displayed above đ .
I hope it will suffice to say that Lemmonex knows that the admiration and appreciation is reciprocated, in both unspoken emotions and more concrete, drunken, “you’re the best” text messages that generally follow her listening to either boring rambling about my relationship sorrows or boring, boredline-insulting ramblings about how so-and-so is so great and probably will be the best person I’ve ever dated. Both are probably equally unappreciated, but she puts up with them, and for that and so much more, I thank her here, publicly.
“You’re the best”, Lemmonex. There – I said it, and as I sit in my office at work, I’m even (mostly) sober, this time.
I don’t overlook your shortcomings; I merely store away all your flaws and mistakes for future ammunition. And you are not sober; who are you trying to kid?
Oh I CAN tell you why you broke up…….or at least what Lemmonex told me! I’m thrilled you guys still have each other. It makes a Mother’s Heart all warm and mushy! đ
I don’t want to know! Keep the illusion alive, woman!
Must….get…more…insulin..gasp.
Does my soft, gooey center scare you?
No. Most of us have that soft gooey center and then wrap it in shells of varying degrees of hardness and thickness. It is not often that you see it displayed like a marshmallow in a microwave. (Dips in finger) Mmmm…tasty!
Yes, well, sometimes it must be displayed lest people think I have no heart. I do, I really do.
Now, stop fucking fingering me…thanks!
This is sweet sentiment… but um… soft, gooey center? Lemmonex is a Cadbury creme egg.
And this is a PG blog that momma reads! No tasting the goods!
Mom appreciates this, I am sure.
Lemmonex is a Cadbury Cream Egg dipped in something wonderful. Love the post, reminds me of a friend I recently lost.
I am sorry about your friend; I don’t know how I would cope if B weren’t around.
First loves are great. Everybody should have one. My ex from hs and I used to spend our weekends screwing each other’s brains out. We didn’t really break up… we just got… distracted. We still call and talk about everything, but we don’t see each other anymore because, even though we’re older, we have this intense, explosive sexual energy whenever we “hang out.” She’ll look at me, I’ll look at her, and the next thing we know, we’re clawing at each other and going at it. I’m married now and all. My wife knows about hs ex, and she’s game with it. I guess, she figures it’s just part of the deal.
OK, your wife knows you bang your ex? Because I have never really been the jealous type, but that is more understanding that I could muster.
ohhhh this is lovely! makes me want to eat ice cream and hug someone!
i was just reading jo’s post — so i have ‘juno’ on the brain, and that quote from the dad when she asks him if it’s possible for love to last and he says something like it is when someone loves you for your flaws. i’m not sure we realize our individual capacities for love. not like you do, in this beautiful case!
Loving is scary because it is risky; there are no guarantees. People seeing your flaws makes you feel naked and raw, leaves you at your most vulnerable, and gives people the necessary tools to really hurt you. It is incredibly hard to trust, to love, but when you allow yourself, it is wonderful.
Oh, this is lovely. You and B are so lucky to have one another, and even luckier that you can express how much you mean to one another in such a great way. That it comes on Free Cone Day is the cherry on top!
My feelings still frighten me, but this helped. And I still need my free cone!
No no. In my dating days, when we’d hang, we’d go at each other. We just can’t be together because of various reasons. Then I met my wife, dated, married, etc, and now only call and email the ex. We haven’t hung out — and she wasn’t invited to the wedding (all sides understood without having explicitly say so). We still call, talk, etc. But no hanging out.
Ok, phew.
I have a friend like that in 3 years old. We can seriously not talk for months or even years, and when we see each other it’s like we never left each others side.
As for the cone, mine was super good. I had the cookie dough. I could actually hear my Kenneth Cole pants (don’t worry, they were from Nostrums Rack) getting tighter, if that is actually possible.
Oh, I know the feeling of pants getting tighter…
Re: having friends with whom you can pick right back up, Jason, Lemmonex and I were pretty much just like that. After high school, we had a few caring but distant (or maybe more distracted) conversations, but we grew apart and eventually came to speak little, if at all. I’ll spare everyone the details (this post and its comments have become saccharine enough already), but, long story short, when we got back in touch, her intelligence, wit, progressive views, and knowledge of current celebrity gossip won me back over. I can remember distinctly fairly stumbling into my apartment’s kitchen, where my roommate and girlfriend were waiting for me to help cook (he cooks at a swanky restaurant now, and I’m proud to say that I was always his most trusted taster), and telling them that I’d just heard from an old high school girlfriend. “Yuck,” said roommate’s gf, “how was that??” “Great, actually,” I said. “Surprisingly really great.”
Of course my wit wowed you. Our love makes a miracle.
Also, Alpha, I have someone like that … we’ve seen each other and not boffed like rabbits, but those moments have been few and far between, only occurring because one of us was in a stable relationship, and even then, we generally have met in public places, like shopping malls, so as not to tempt fate.
I only mention this in the blog comments because she also went to high school with Lemmonex and I, and I think that L shudders a little when I mention the incredible, acrobatic sex that this girl and I have together. And yet she still congratulates me. Whatta girl, eh? Eh??
Yes, well I know I am better than her, so it is easy to encourage.
what happened to A?
I killed him like a praying mantis after mating.
“… painful hours of Phish …”
What?! There is no such thing, woman. Only sweet, sweet joy-filled hours of Phish. Otherwise, you just weren’t high enough, love.
I don’t smoke pot; that could be the problem. I hate them.
I love stories like these because they remind me of my own trials and tribulations with my first love. It’s so bittersweet and makes me all want to tear up, but at the same time it also makes me really happy.
lamenting I would never love anyone as much as I loved him. And though I have loved since him, loved differently, I have never loved anyone the same exact way I love him.
This is love! It lasts, doesn’t it? Yes it does. I’ve written words just like that before. Oh man, I’d better go before I really start bawling.
Hope, first thanks for stopping by. And, yes, it really makes me happy. I have screwed up my fair share of things; maintaining this relationship is something I am quite proud of.
Aww thats so sweet!
[…] This website is the most bizarrely compelling thing happening on the internet right now, let alone in food blogging. The pixie who hosts the webisodes of Food Party, Thu Tran, cites “Pee Wee’s Playhouse, Sesame Street, Martha Stewart, Yan Can Cook, John Woo movies, and Abba videos” as inspiration…that pretty much says it all. I cannot take credit for discovering this; props must all go to B. […]