I went bathing suit shopping Monday.
I left the store with nary a tear shed. This, my friends, is a feat. I also walked out with a bikini, which is even more astonishing.
Some questions that crossed my mind while trying on these spandex garments of mental torture:
- Just what genius decided dim lighting is the way to go in dressing rooms? My ass does not need shadows cast upon it.
- Speaking of my ass…it does not need flair of any type. Only a very small group of women desire such embellishments as ribbons, bows or sequins on their rear ends.
- If we are discussing my ass, we might as well bring up my chest. It is…an issue. Why no support?! If I were to write a list of bathing suit commandments, “Thou shalt possess under-wire” would be on the top of the list, right above, “Thou shalt not wear wear bandeau bikini tops after the age of 12”.
- Why am I sober?
- Why did I attempt this alone?
- Why is someone not holding me very, very tight?
Thus begins bathing suit season and the accompaning self-flagellation that arrives every Memorial Day and finds it’s way out the door, mercifully, every Labor Day. I could proselytize for hours on the importance of self confidence and healthy self esteem, yet I often find my own wavering when faced with a mirror and inches of skin that haven’t seen the sun in almost a year. It is an ugly cycle, yet I never proclaimed I was nothing more than a work in progress.
Some of the work includes admitting I still have needs, dammit. Like, for instance, I enjoy carbohydrates. I enjoy sweet breakfast treats. I enjoy JOY. My mornings cannot, no, they will not, consist of egg whites and berries every day.
Enter these muffins. Lightening up baked goods has always been a bit of dicey endeavor for me. I tried to adapt one of bettyjoan’s recipes a few months back to disastrous results. I generally find reduced fat versions of muffins dry and lacking a bit in the flavor department, but not these. I am convinced using banana, a wet fruit, as opposed to apples or blueberries, render moist and flavorful results. Have I mentioned the crunchy topping yet? I adapted this recipe by adding vanilla for flavor (what kind of banana-y treat doesn’t call for vanilla anyway?) and swapping out everything bad for a better alternative: margarine for butter, egg beaters for eggs, whole wheat flour for all purpose and Splenda for sugar. And they taste great.
Who knew you could have it all? Now get on the beach and shake your fine ass.
Light Banana Crumb Muffins
Adapted from All Recipes
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 bananas, mashed
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup Splenda
1/4 cup egg beaters
1/3 cup margarine (I used light)
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons whole wheat flour
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon margarine (I used light)
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease 10 muffin cups, or line with muffin papers.
In a large bowl, mix together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. In another bowl, beat together bananas, sugar, egg, vanilla and melted butter. Stir the banana mixture into the flour mixture just until moistened. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups.
In a small bowl, mix together brown sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and cinnamon. Cut in 1 tablespoon butter until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal. Sprinkle topping over muffins.
Bake in preheated oven for 18 to 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean.