Yesterday, in a fit of heat-induced blurriness, I grabbed a G2, Gatorade’s low calorie alternative. Metro was all kinds of screwed up, I had walked in the sweltering heat for 20 minutes in a black dress and I had a case of the shakes.
Don’t do it, y’all.
Remember the freeze-pops from your childhood? That watered-down sugar water in handy little plastic sticks? And remember how no one ever wanted to eat the orange ones and a whole stack of them would find the way to the back of the freezer? And then the first hot day of the summer would come and there were no popsicles in the house, so in a moment of desperation you would eat that orange pop, even though there were weird sticky brown stains all over the wrapper? And it would taste really funky, kinda like freezer burned lima beans and that nasty can of grape juice concentrate that had been in there since 1986?
That’s what this tasted like.
I would rather have passed out in Dupont Circle than taste this swill. At least then there would have been a slim possibility of some cute EMT coming to revive me. Instead, I was stuck with the lingering taste of stale ass on my tongue until I could get home and cleanse my pallete.
So, yeah, don’t try this and if you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
…I wanted the orange ones 😦
Well, you are kinda weird, friend.
yeah I made the same mistake recently one late drunken night at 7-11. I mistakenly thought it would taste just like normal Fruit Punch Gatorade…WRONG. It’s more like mopwater from the Fruitstripe gum factory. Fruit Punch fo evah!
Mopwater from the fruitstripe gum factory! That’s poetic… I never would have bought this had the CVS actually HAD water. I blame those bastards.
I think the orange ones were my favorite, too, but my palate has been wonky since childhood. I burned my tastebuds off after one too many Swanson Chicken Pot Pies and suffered a permanent culinary handicap.
Orange?! What is wrong with you people? Also, Willow Tree chicken pot pies were a staple of my childhood. You can only find them in New England…the chicken is shredded, the gravy is really thick and the pastry super flaky. Oh yeah, and no vegetables because we would not want any nutrition in there…YUM.
I have ton’s of Propel. It’s also made by gatorade, but has only about 25 calories per bottle and it (I assume) tastes better than that stuff you just had.
It ain’t too hard to be better than G2.
Hahaha I loved the orange ones best too. You have officially entered the Twilight Zone
🙂
You are all wrong! Clearly the green ones were the best…
For several months I would vacillate between propel in Kiwi Strawberry flavor and G2 in grape flavor during my boxing workouts. In that period it felt like I was licking a 9 volt battery dipped in bat guano. Now I’m experimenting with Vitaminwater’s electrolyte replenishment drink called Charge in Lemon-Lime and it taste’s like the sweat rung from the drenched sock of an Amazonian foot soldier.
Ha! I just laughed uncomfortably loud at my desk. Why does all this stuff have to taste so awful?
“I never would have bought this had the CVS actually HAD water. I blame those bastards”
speaking of things that blow, I have no clue how they are still in business.
They are just so terrible here. Not so much on other parts of the country, but in DC, they are a huge pile of suck.
CVS is the worst.
But orange freeze pops were good. What’s wrong with you?!
What’s wrong with me? How much time do you have, SD?
I’m with you. The orange freeze pops deserved to be at the back of the freezer. Cherry rocks!!
Now someone is talking some sense!
Hate to say it, but I was an orange freeze-pop fan, too. 😉
bettyjoan! Say it ain’t so!
The orange ones were saved to give to the kids that came over you did not like….just sayin. I love Gatorade and all its derivatives…as a business model. Expensive sugar water. What will they think of next…bottled water?
I am a kind person, a nurture caretaker. I let the neighborhood kids have the good ones.
freeze pops were for the neighbor’s beta kids. i sat in my lawn chair throne with a bomb pop.
Did you have a harem of 5-year-olds clamoring for a spot around your throne?
Also, kids can be beta?! That’s harsh, yo. When does betaness start? Do not want beta sons…
as long as i wasn’t stuck with the yellow ones, i was a happy gal. the orange ones were A OK with me. but the red ones were clearly the best. same thing goes for life savers.
So, a few months ago everyone sick- even the people who never got sick were sick. it was some wacky flu strain or something. so i was in FL, therefore regularly in a bathing suit, but sick and in need of rehydration without the calories. I mistakenly picked up at G2 red. I have touched no gatorade product since.
But more to point, didn’t we discuss taking the bus? It was free, and would have alleviated this entire mess.
I did take the bus! But I tried to take metro first because I am stupid sometimes and then had to walk to the edge of Dupont to get the bus. I never learn.
Did you have a harem of 5-year-olds clamoring for a spot around your throne?
absolutely. also, the little eunuch beta boys would guard my harem while the vo-tech kids would carry me and my lawn chair throne on their shoulders. the girls would giggle and splash each other in the roman spa as i waded in, ocean pacific bathing suit dropping to my ankles in preparation for the evening bacchanalia.
these grapes are bruised. take them away!
Well, they say who we are is established at a young age. Glad to hear this theory holds true.
Hmmm, I think we’re gonna have to go with ORANGE!
Nah, just playin’ (as I think all the other purported orange-lovers are — you’re adorable when you get upset).
I was always a fan of Vampire’s Deadly Secret, a black grape ice pop with a cherry slushy filling. That sure weeded out the good girls.
Oh, I have been called a lot of things when I get upset, but adorable has never been one of them.
And yum to the Vampire’s Deadly secret.