My friend Virgle Kent calls me Liz Lemon. No, it isn’t because of the glasses. It is because I am a huge spaz.
A few months back there was an episode of “30 Rock” where Liz has her boyfriend, Drew (played by the Adonis-like Jon Hamm), over for dinner. It is a series of humiliations, pratfalls, and indignities; she screws up dinner, accidentally flashes him and says all the wrong things. VK pinged me the next day and told me that is what he imagines a date with me is like.
I didn’t help my case, my “Hey, no, I am nothing like that klutz, trainwreck Liz Lemon” case, when I spilled half a glass of Prosecco on myself a few weeks back when we were at lunch and I just kept on talking. He appropriately mocked me, I just moved right on along, barely noticing.
I am used to it. I have lived with myself for 28 years.
I trip. I cut myself. I fall. I slam in to walls and walk in to coffee tables. I break glasses and drop eggs. I tumble down the stairs at least once a year. The fact that I have been on and off all these headache meds, which effect my balance and equilibrium, for 5 years doesn’t help. Sadly, the pills cannot take all the blame. It is me. It is who I am. To know me is to love that I can barely stand on my own two feet.
As a result, I am habitually covered in bruises. Sometimes I can pinpoint their origins but most of the time I have no idea from whence they sprang. For instance, this huge bruise on my left hip? Ugly purple and green? Absolutely no clue, but I am assuming I walked in to something. Oh bruises, I know you well.
Another thing I know well is a burger and what could be better than a black and blue one? To know it is to love it. This burger was insanely moist thanks to a few things; the onions and garlic sweat out in to the meat, the ground meat had a decent fat content and the sausage imparted some delicious fat as well. The worcestershire sauce and balsamic certainly doesn’t hurt. I demoed these and everyone went insane with how good they tasted. I really think the sausage and blue cheese add an unexpected element to the burger that brings it up to the next level. I overcooked them–I was worried about them being too rare for the crowd–and they were still pretty amazing. That is a mark of a good burger. The picture is subpar–I was so hungry I forgot to snap a picture of it plated–but you can see how juicy they are. Best of all, these are super easy.
Look, I can barely walk but I can make a good burger. Trust me.
Black and Blue Burgers
4 lbs ground beef (not too lean)
3 sweet Italian sausages, cut out of the casing
1 medium sized red onion (or half of a large red onion), finely diced
2 large cloves garlic, chopped
3 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
3 TBSP balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup blue cheese
Salt and pepper (don’t be shy)
Mix together all ingredients with hands. Preheat grill or grill pan. Cook to desired temperature. Don’t be a bitch like me and overcook them, but these are so moist that even medium well, they are really great.