My name is Lemmonex and I cook.
Food and I have a very tumultuous relationship, in that I love it and it loves to stick to my ass. I spent a large portion of my life overweight. Two Three years ago, I lost 65 pounds and a whole new world full of sexual conquests was opened to me. One of the harshest realities I have ever had to accept is I wasted far too much time working on my personality when I could have just laid off the queso.
This site consists largely of recipes, but also includes culinary-related musings and thoughts on DC restaurants from time to time. If you use my recipes, please link to me. The Baby Jesus hates people who steal.
My food-related likes are short ribs, pigs in a blanket, key lime pie and carrot cake. Coconut is my kryptonite. I like to drink and do just that on a very regular basis. Please don’t suggest joining AA; the warm embrace of a hangover is the one true constant in my life. I need those groggy, cotton-mouthed mornings like some of you need air…or love.
Non-foody likes include bad reality television, criminally high heels, the wrong kind of men, extremely violent movies, Rufus Wainwright, backrubs, facial scars, my MacBook and sexual politics. I am borderline obsessed with my hair and I own more make-up than a tranny in a beauty pageant. I dislike picky eaters, unsolicited advice, the color brown, tardiness, the dentist, self importance and Sandra Bullock. I have become increasingly ambivalent regarding politics; it is all a lie and they are all the same. Really. DC has embittered me further. Save yourself some trouble, pick one or two issues that are really important to you and just vote along those lines. The Dems win for me because I love abortion and gay sex.
And yes, fellas, I am single. You are actually probably much more screwed up than me, I just have (some of) my personal pain and inner turmoil printed on the interweb. You may feel like you know me, but you don’t. Please don’t scare me with naked pictures or creepy emails.
When you cut me, I bleed. If you don’t like what you see here, please move on. I am thick-skinned, but inside I just want to be loved. I am often sarcastic, prone to hyperbole, and self absorbed. I’m also a steadfastly loyal friend, charitable in spirit and a compassionate soul; I don’t need mean assholes trying to convince me otherwise. Also, half of what comes out of my mouth is complete and utter bullshit. We are all just trying to do our best here, kids, so play nice.
If you love me, or don’t want to admit in the comments you don’t know the difference between a filet and a t-bone, feel free to email me. I am an insecure narcissist and need your love, adoration and virtual hugs.